


Bringing a Knife to a Gunfight

by incredibly_cold



Series: The Hamfam goes to college [12]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: I can't write about john without at least a little bit of self loathing, M/M, Slight Internalized Homophobia, and everyone teases him about it, but lets be real, in which john is an idiot, mentions of past injuries and reckless behavior, slight self loathing, which is fair
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-03
Updated: 2016-05-03
Packaged: 2018-06-06 02:32:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,686
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6734398
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/incredibly_cold/pseuds/incredibly_cold
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John Laurens may be dumb and reckless, but at least he wouldn't bring a knife to a gunfight.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bringing a Knife to a Gunfight

"Stop trying to defend him, you know as well as we do that he makes stupid choices!" Hercules exclaimed. He and Marie were on the opposing side of an argument with Alex and John. The subject of the argument had all but the last laughing.

Laurens' freckled face was even pinker than normal. "I do not! Just because you don't get my thought process doesn't mean that I'm not thorough about weighing my options." He huffed. "And Alex is taking my side because he's smarter than you two."

"I think he's taking your side because you two are dating." Lafayette pointed out, with one of his characteristic sly grins. "Only a complete idiot would say that you aren't rash and careless."

John looked at his boyfriend, daring him to admit that was the reason. Alex winced and looked away from him. It was true, that was the main reason he was taking his side. Everyone knew that Laurens was a headstrong idiot. He'd jump right into a fist fight with anyone, assuming they'd took him up on it. "Well I'm not saying he's the best at choosing his battles, but he isn't completely stupid." He argued. "I mean he wouldn't bring a knife to a gun fight." He thought it was a good point, except for the fact that the other three fell dead silent when he said it. Marie was smiling, Hercules was shaking his head, and his boyfriend was staring at the ground in front of him. "What?"

The knowing smile broke as Lafayette snorted. "He hasn't told you about that one, I see."

"I feel like I'm missing something here." He was aware that he was stating the obvious, but he was confused. It was a fairly common saying last time he checked, and it usually didn't glean these kinds of reactions.

Hercules opened his mouth, but before he could say anything, John cut him off. "Don't you dare."

"Are you going to tell him then?" The way he looked back down to the ground was answer enough. Hercules smiled at him and clapped him on the back. "It's okay John, we love you even when you're being an idiot." An offended scoff. "Anyway, it's funny that you should bring up that particular phrase. Our little Johnny boy here actually has brought a knife to a gun fight."

No way. They had to be screwing with him, even if John was the king of rash and risky behavior, he wasn't completely stupid. And yet, he found himself questioning his own certainty of that. John _did_ have more bullet wounds than any normal person who wasn't in the military or law enforcement. Alex didn't know where all of them were from. He squinted at Hercules, studying his face and searching for signs that this was a joke.

Marie raised a hand, clearly having recognized the look on his face. "I can confirm that."

"Okay, but I _did_ win that fight, so you guys can just shut up!" John protested, still blushing furiously. "Anyway, he said to bring weapons, and a knife is a weapon. If anyone really expected me to know to bring a gun, they should have told me. I figured it was a knife, brass knuckles, baseball bat kind of thing." He went on.

Meanwhile, Alex was still gaping at him. "You brought a _knife_ to a _gunfight?!_ " He was still stuck on that part, even if his boyfriend was explaining himself. Not that jumping into a fight using weapons was smart in the first place, but a knife? Against someone with a gun?

"I _won_ a gunfight with nothing but my wits and a knife, thank you very much." His face was still flushed, and he looked deeply offended that his boyfriend wasn't marveling at his skills and intelligence. It was pretty obvious at this point that he'd lost the one person who was willing to take his side in this argument.

"You still got shot, John." Lafayette was not letting him argue in defense of his decision making. He'd spent too long watching him jump into the most hopeless situations to let him pretend for even a second that he'd had a chance of winning a single fight he'd been in. "I drove you to the hospital, remember?"

Alex looked absolutely horrified. "Are you serious? Where were you hit, which one was from that?" It was a question he wouldn't have to ask most people, because they would only have one scar from a bullet wound at the most, but John had three. He'd asked about the one on his leg the first time he'd seen it (it was from a hunting accident with his little brother who was allowed to use a gun when he was six for some reason) and avoided mentioning any of the others for fear of sounding judgmental.

"Shoulder." He pointed to where it was under his his shirt. "Hurt like a bitch. Well, getting shot in general hurts like a bitch I guess, but the torso is worse than limbs."

"Wait hang on, how many times have you been shot?!" Hercules, it seemed, was not aware of the others.

John winced and folded in on himself a little. "Four."

"Four? I thought it was three!" Alex was frankly horrified. Being shot three times as an average civilian was already way too many, and a fourth was unbelievable. He'd been unaware when they'd started dating that his boyfriend was such a bullet magnet.

Hercules was equally astonished and upset. "How in the hell have you gotten shot four times?! You aren't living in an active war zone here man!"

John shrugged. "My arm was from my little cousin when I was eight. I don't remember how old he was. My leg was from my little brother Henry when I was fifteen and he was six. Both of those were hunting accidents. I stopped hunting after that because of it." He stopped there and looked at the three of them uncertainly. "And then when I was 18 I was at a gas station and this guy pulled a gun so I tackled him. He didn't really aim very well because I was on him, but the bullet grazed my side. Didn't do a lot of damage, and it doesn't even look like a bullet wound, but it hurt the most by far." He cracked a grin. "I did knock the gun out of his hand so that another guy could take him down, it was all over the news for weeks. They said I was a hero."

"And an idiot." Marie added.

"Well they didn't say that." John studied his fingernails with an air of false superiority. "And since we only remember what parts of history are recorded, I will forever be a hero. The rest of you are already behind me in making a mark on the world, by the way. I wouldn't criticize my shining reputation if I were you." It was nice to see him take pride in something that he'd done even if it was about acting like a moron.

Alex was the first to relent. "Okay, so you're a brilliant brave soul. A tactical genius. Never lost a fight in your life. We're all fools to question your judgement." He punctuated this statement by poking his boyfriend in his bruised ribs. Even though he hadn't gotten in any fights in a while, his ribs had remained sore and bruised longer than any of his other injuries from his most recent fight. He smiled at the pained yelp. "Ah, the sounds of a hero basking in his glory. Tell me John, how does it feel to be victorious yet again?"

"Shut up, Alex." He gritted his teeth, but there was a smile behind it.

Naturally, his boyfriend took the opportunity to lean in closer so that their noses were almost touching. "Make me."

"You aren't starting any of that shit while I'm here." Hercules suddenly interjected. It was awfully hypocritical of him, since he and Marie were the kind of couple who could frequently be found making out in public places. To be fair though, they did keep things a bit less physical when the four of them were together, or at least when John was around. They knew that it made him uncomfortable.

Alex groaned and sat back up straight. "You're no fun." He pouted. "That was the most perfect moment ever. You totally ruined it. How many chances are we going to get to have the most cliche movie kiss ever?"

"With someone who needs to be told to shut up as much as you, I'm sure you'll have another chance." Marie interjected, with a wide grin. He loved anything that involved kissing and romance, and probably would have been just fine with letting things continue if Hercules hadn't spoken up. He was just that kind of guy. "But I do believe we were shaming John into making better life choices. We should continue with that."

John visibly cringed. "Or we could talk about literally anything else. I like that option."

The Frenchman considered that for a second. "Okay, then we will discuss our sex lives in intimate detail. John, you can start." He had selected probably the only topic that would be equally bad. It was intentional, of course. Any doubts about that were dispelled by the shit eating grin on his face.

Alex wouldn't deny that he was kind of enjoying watching his boyfriend squirm. His face was back to that dark red. "This has been fun and all, but I think I'm ready to head home."

"Aw, but John I was actually looking forward to this conversation." Alex whined from the couch. "We can't leave now."

It wasn't at all successful. He continued to get up and put on his jacket, which he always seemed to be wearing, even when it wasn't cold. "Then stay. It's my car, and I'm leaving. If y'all want to have a sleepover and talk about your personal lives then feel free, but I'm not going to be a part of it." His use of 'y'all' and the way that his southern accent was edging into his voice was enough to show how strained he was. Hercules was the first to speak up. He was always the most sensitive to all of their feelings, and he'd known John the longest.

"Hey, it's okay, we're all messing around. We know you're not a complete idiot. Sorry it got a little out of hand, and that this useless baguette was teasing you." At this last part he glared at Marie. It was clear what he was trying to say. John was the most fragile out of all of them, and they knew it. They pretended that he wasn't, because they knew he would take it as them thinking he was weak, but he was a lot more fragile than the rest of them. He'd been through a lot, was still going through a lot. "You can still leave if you want, but I just wanted to say that we _can_ talk about something else. Whatever you want."

"No, that's okay. I should be going home anyway." John didn't actually look at any of them, clearly still flustered and embarrassed. "Are you going to stay, or are you coming with me?"

"I'm coming with you!" Alex got up hastily. His little Laurens was upset, and since he'd taken part in making him that way, it was now his duty to try to fix it. He could tell he'd made the right decision, because some of the tension left the other man's shoulders. "We'll see you two later I guess?"

Hercules nodded. "Yeah, whenever you guys feel like it."

* * *

The car ride was pretty quiet. It wasn't very far, but between the two of them, they normally never stopped talking. Alex was using all his self-restraint too keep from shooting off about how really he was being melodramatic because they were only teasing. He did realize, however, that doing so would be counterproductive, so he didn't speak at all.

It took until they were parked for John speak up. He turned off the car and sat still for a minute before he turned to Alex. "How are you guys all okay with talking about that kind of thing?"

There was a pause, where he considered which thing was more likely to be the thing that he was talking about. Unfortunately, both seemed equally likely, and he had to ask. "You needing to make better life choices, or sex?"

"Well... Sex." He hesitated. Always so uncomfortable on the subject of actual sex. He could make jokes all the time, and even talk about theoretical sexual situations, but once real people were brought into it (especially people he knew) he was as shy as could be. "Aren't you guys even a little ashamed? It's kind of a private thing, you know?"

Alex couldn't help but snort. "Why would we be ashamed? It's perfectly natural. I mean I guess it _is_ private, but so are test scores, and everyone loves to compare those. Are you ashamed?"

"Yeah. I am." John's voice was hardly louder than a whisper. "I mean..." He trailed off for so long that it seemed like he might have just forgotten what he was saying. "I guess it's a personal issue. I know that other people would think less of me, so it feels better to keep it all private. If someone were to ask directly, I wouldn't deny that we've had sex. It's easier to gloss over all that and pretend that it doesn't happen though. For anyone, not just me. And I would never want to go into detail about it."

It was always interesting to hear how he thought. His mind worked so differently from Alex's. "So talking about anyone having sex at all is weird?" He considered. "And what about a married couple, would that be as bad?" It was a stab in the dark, but he was pretty sure he knew what direction this was going.

"Not _as_ bad, I guess."

"I get it, you're too pure to talk about premarital sex!" He grinned. "You're so freaking cute, oh my god. I'm amazed that you didn't feel like waiting until marriage, honestly. Is it because I've corrupted you?"

John gave a little grin of his own, like he always did when he was going to say something he thought was funny. "Not exactly. What's the point in waiting if I'm going to hell for doing it with another man anyway?" Unfortunately, as was too often the case, it wasn't funny at all. It would have been if someone else said it, but he knew that John genuinely believed it, which took away the humor.

Still, he pretended to like the joke. If it was something that he felt like joking about would help him to handle, the how could Alex nitpick?

* * *

A few months later, they were in Professor Washington's class arguing with Thomas Jefferson and James Madison. That wasn't all that unusual, since almost every time something was open for class discussion, it ended in an argument that lasted the rest of the period. The key difference was in a single phrase used by one Mr. Jefferson.

"You don't have enough information on the subject to make a strong argument. You're bringing a knife to a gunfight, you morons." He said, with his usual smug superiority. That same loftiness was broken by the snickers from the very people he'd been trying to insult. "What?" He growled, through clenched teeth.

"I guess we better send John in for this one." Marie finally managed. He'd barely gotten the whole sentence out before he collapsed into a fit of giggles. The other three were not far behind him.

The rest of the class just watched in confused silence as they laughed about some inside joke that they was so funny they couldn't even catch their breath to explain. "What a bunch of idiots." Thomas muttered under his breath. His boyfriend, James, nodded quietly.

**Author's Note:**

> As with most of the specific and weird characterizations, this is totally rooted in fact. Learn more by looking up John Laurens in the battle of Germantown.
> 
> Another one by me and not my friend, but with hardly any suffering at all. You can follow/talk to me at incredibly-cold.tumblr.com. Reviews are the best, and I will ask for them shamelessly. Please tell me what you think.


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